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Sunday, December 07, 2008 12/07/2008 01:43:00 AM
i was out the whole day yesterday,
celebrating an old friend's birthday.
when another old,close friend of mine told me he reads my blog,
which surprised me alot.
because after all these years,he still keeps track of my blog.
he also added that he also read the blog of my 'agrue-e'
this friend of my commented that my most recent rant posts
were very well written and coordinated.
also,he said that those posts were very harsh,and straight to the point.
he asked if i had any prior planning whatsoever, or did i acquire the help
of 2 of our other old friends,both known to have very sharp tongues.
but of course i said no,to both questions.
initially,i was a little happy,cause it seemed like a compliment to me.
but i thought again,because this is something i shouldnt be proud of.
its like saying someone is very talented in murdering people,
but at the end of the day,it is not something good or something to be proud about.
im very tired of these fighting and arguments.
we have been fighting non stop for 3 weeks.
both parties show no sign of giving in,its clearly a fight to the death.
and i thought to myself,what do i really want above all these arguments?
all i want is peace,and maybe be friends again.
but after arguing for 3 weeks,even if either party were to win the argument(s).
would it really bring back the peace we all had last time?
will we still be friends again like last time?
it is highly unlikely.
and that is why i have come to this,
in hopes that what we have been seeking all this while may come to fruition.
i give up fighting.
im not going to argue anymore.
im too tired to...and even if i have the energy,i dont wish to continue anymore.
and if it makes you happy,yeah im going ahead to say
you win.i lost.
maybe you were in the right from the start,maybe neither of us were,
either way,i dont care anymore....i want my peace..
i already went ahead and buried the hatchet on my side,
what you would do on your side,its all up to you..
even if you were to choose to harbor hate for me for the rest of your life,
i dont blame you..
if you were to ignore all my messages,or to ignore me for the rest of your life,
i hope you read this final post,
just to let you know my current intentions are..
and if it doesnt trouble you too much,
i hope you too,let me know in one way or another,
what your thoughts or intentions are after reading this post.
it wouldnt hurt to let me know if we are still enemies,strangers or friends after all the past 3 weeks....right? [=
although it may be too late already,
i still would like to ask for your forgiveness,
and i pray that its not too late for that.
all in all,to me,you are still a dear friend that i rather not lose....
im sorry for everything!
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